When I get especially emotional about something, I write. Not because I get to share my feelings to the world or whatever…I don’t care much for publisisation. Some people like to vent in shouting or crying or even watching TV. Well my release is writing. And what a better way to write than in a free blogging exercise! I think it’s good to update on feelings and thoughts as well as creative stuff. It allows you to look back and see where you’ve come from or remember a certain time period in your life.
I’ve been having a bit of a bad week. I’m ill, my fuse box has gone in my room so I have no power, my phone’s broken and I’m not gonna lie I’m feeling a bit homesick. It’s weird, I never felt it really until now. Like of course I missed my family and friends but I was always busy, trying to settle down, taking my mind off things. It’s like being shot with this sudden realisation that everything has changed, that you don’t have the familiar faces and home that you once knew. My friend and I were discussing this – the feeling, it’s like literally being shot, it hurts. It’s hard seeing my friends here going home and spending time with their loved ones when I can’t. It gets lonely. It’s times like this I wish I lived a little closer to home! Skyping is no substitute for actually being there. It’s not even big things I miss as much either! It’s the little things like playing pokemon boardgames until about 2 in the morning with friends or casually teasing my dog or portstewart strand (my favourite beach at home) and the way I always freeze when I go up there. Things that I didn’t really appreciate until I couldn’t do them or be there. My friend was saying how it’s kind of like mourning a loss. Like you know everyone and everything is still there waiting for you at home and when you go back it’ll all be exactly the same, but at the same time they aren’t present in your life at the moment. They’ve vanished. It’s hard not to feel you’ve lost them in some aspects. And in the ‘right now’ that feels terrible.
I know I’ll be over it soon and I’m very happy here, loving every minute. This happens to a lot of people who move away from home, even those who don’t move that far. If anything it allows me to think in new creative ways which I’m always grateful for. We’ll see how things turn out!
My mum’s been really liking this song recently and I dunno I just thought I’d post it…I guess it reminds me of all of them now that she’s mentioned it.
You light the spark in my bonfire heart